The Long Lost Brannigan
by Queen of Nutism
Summary: The Planet Express Crew get stuck having to show Zapp Brannigan's long lost half-brother around the universe. But Fry and Zapp soon become jealous of this smooth-talking cassanova who is trying to steal Leela's heart. Rated R for later installments.


The Long Lost Brannigan  
  
A message from the Queen of Nutism of the planet Nutcakes  
  
Hiya. This is my first fan fiction and I decided I wanted to devote it to the smoothest talking not to mention erotic brothers in the universe. The Brannigans. I didn't upload much of it coz I didn't know if anyone would actually want to read it, but if you wanna read more, please give me a review and let me know. Also I want any hints you can give me, as I am new to this.  
  
This message was courtesy of her majesty the Queens of Nutters everywhere  
  
Opening Credits: Futurama brought to you by Zapp's own velour underwear. Available in a variety of erotic colours in sizes x-small, small, medium, large, x-large and mutant. Feeling Sexual?  
  
(At the Planet Express head quarters)  
  
Phone rings  
  
Leela: Bender, answer the phone.  
  
Bender: What the hell do you think I am? Some robot servant designed to make your life easier. Get screwed!  
  
Leela sighs  
  
Leela: Planet Express, our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.  
  
Zapp: Leela?  
  
Zapp appears on video screen  
  
Leela: Oh Lord.  
  
Zapp: I've called to beg you to reconsider my offer.  
  
Leela: What offer? You never made any offer.  
  
Zapp: Oh...well...I...Kiff why haven't I made this lady an offer?  
  
Kiff's voice groans in the background  
  
Kiff: I don't know sir. Was there ever an offer?  
  
Zapp: Kiff I don't pay you to do nothing, now present this lady with my offer.  
  
Kiff groans and appears on the screen and shuffles around some papers  
  
Zapp: Kiff when I said present this lady with an offer I meant today. Now read what's on the paper. I assume you can read.  
  
Kiff: He wants you to "...play an arousing game of Monopoly before stripping off all your clothes and making sweet, sweet love to ABBA's Waterloo sounding in the background. Then he plans on "...painting your sexy body with..."  
  
Leela: Why you perverted little arrogant son-of-a...  
  
Zapp: Kiff that's disgusting!  
  
Kiff: But sir I was just reading what you told me to write down last night.  
  
Zapp: I never told you anything Kiff honestly...you should get your head...I mean...um...that...anyway get checked out whatever that thing balancing on your shoulders is.  
  
Kiff groans  
  
Zapp: Leela, just out of curiosity, did that turn you on?  
  
Leela: No!  
  
Zapp: Oh well...yes...I was just...I wasn't actually planning on...you know...  
  
Leela: Just get on with it!  
  
Zapp: Yes. Leela, I'd like to make you an offer you can't confuse.  
  
Leela: Don't you mean refuse?  
  
Zapp: Yes well...anyway...my half-brother is in the universe and I was wondering if you'd be able to show him around. You know...maybe Neptune...or even the Moon.  
  
Leela: Me? Why can't you? He's your brother!  
  
Zapp: Well, he and I don't get on too well and seeing as well...actually you're the only friend I have...Dear God! I'm so lonely!  
  
Zapp bursts into tear, Leela rolls her eyes  
  
Leela: Well...alright...but I'm only doing this because you're a pathetic loser who no one likes. This doesn't mean I want to go out with you or become closer to you in anyway. Got it?  
  
Zapp perks up  
  
Zapp: Of course, anything for my one true love, he'll be there in an hour. Farewell Leela, and remember if you're ever free on a Saturday night there'll be a velour clad sex god here waiting on your arm and leg.  
  
Kiff: Um, sir?  
  
Zapp: What is it Kiff?  
  
Kiff: Well...um...I believe the term is hand and foot.  
  
Zapp: What? Oh yes. Kiff write that down. Who would've thought? Hand and foot...  
  
Leela: Ok...an hour, well, so long then.  
  
Zapp: Leela, wait! There's something important I must tell you...my brother...you see, is...  
  
Leela shuts off the video screen  
  
Fry: What was that all about?  
  
Leela: Zapp Brannigan wants us to show his half brother around the universe, I felt sorry for him, so I said we would.  
  
Fry: Zapp...Brannigan?  
  
Fry looks confused  
  
Leela: You know he came and took over my role as captain when he blew up DOOP head quarters. He and you were ordered to death by Snu-Snu when we were stranded on that planet full of the Amazon women.  
  
Fry: No, doesn't ring a bell...  
  
Bender looks up from his Playbot magazine  
  
Bender: You know, the one Leela slept with.  
  
Fry: Oh yeah...He has a brother?  
  
Leela: Apparently so and he's going to be here in an hour.  
  
Please review me, it ain't horrifically hard, you just gotta move the cursor and click the blue button and I shall Knight you as a Planet Nutcakes Royal XD. Flames are welcome, fire keeps me burning. So if you wanna see more or on the otherhand want me to take a hike just click the lil blue button.  
  
This message courtesy of her majesty the Queen of Nutters everywhere 


End file.
